You’ve asked your daughter three times to get ready for school. Her backpack is still empty, she’s wearing mismatched socks, and she’s currently building a Lego tower instead of brushing her teeth. Sound familiar?
Or maybe your son can explain photosynthesis in detail but can’t remember to turn in his completed homework. He’s bright, capable, and motivated, yet simple daily tasks feel like climbing Everest.
These aren’t discipline problems or signs of laziness. They’re often red flags that your child is struggling with executive functioning skills. These are the mental processes that help us plan, organize, remember, and manage time.
The tricky part? These challenges can look different in every child, and they’re easy to mistake for other issues. Let’s break down the seven most common signs so you can spot them early and know exactly what to do.
Sign #1: They Forget Instructions Minutes After You Give Them
You tell your child to put away their shoes, wash their hands, and come to dinner. Five minutes later, they’re standing in the hallway, shoes still on, staring into space.
What’s Really Happening: This isn’t selective hearing or defiance. Working memory is an executive functioning skill. This is the ability to hold and use information in the moment. When it’s weak, multi-step instructions literally disappear from your child’s mental workspace before they can act on them.
What You’ll Notice:
- They can only follow one instruction at a time
- They start a task but forget the goal halfway through
- They ask “What did you say?” repeatedly
- They lose track of what they’re doing mid-task
What to Do About It: Break instructions into single steps and wait for completion before adding more. Instead of “Get ready for bed,” try “Put on your pajamas,” then come back with “Now brush your teeth.” Use visual checklists on the wall so they can reference what comes next without relying on memory alone. The goal isn’t to do everything for them. It’s to reduce the memory load while they build this skill.
Sign #2: Their Room and Backpack Are Disaster Zones
You’ve seen the backpack. Crumpled papers, missing homework, last week’s snack wrappers, and a permission slip from October. Their room looks like a tornado hit it, and “clean your room” results in them moving piles from one spot to another and getting distracted along the way.
What’s Really Happening: Organization is an executive function. Kids with weak organizational skills don’t see the same “mess” you do. Their brain doesn’t automatically categorize items or create systems. Where you see chaos, they see… everything equally important or invisible.
What You’ll Notice:
- They can’t find things even when they’re in plain sight
- They shove everything into one drawer or pile
- They don’t know where to start when cleaning
- Important papers get treated the same as trash
What to Do About It: Create external systems until their internal ones develop. Use clear bins with picture labels, color-coded folders for different subjects, and designated spots for specific items. Start with one small area, such as a homework station or their backpack, and master that before expanding. Make “homes” obvious and limited. Instead of “clean your room,” try “put all the dirty clothes in this basket.” Specific locations beat vague instructions every time.
Sign #3: Homework That Should Take 20 Minutes Takes 2 Hours
Your child sits down to do homework at 4 PM. By 6 PM, they’ve completed two math problems, drawn elaborate doodles in the margins, reorganized their pencils by color, and asked for three snacks. The work itself isn’t hard; getting through it is.
What’s Really Happening: Task initiation and sustained attention are executive functions. Starting feels overwhelming when your brain doesn’t automatically break big tasks into smaller steps. And once started, staying focused requires active effort that’s exhausting for kids with executive functioning challenges.
What You’ll Notice:
- They procrastinate even on things they can easily do
- They need frequent breaks or get “stuck” staring at the page
- They do everything except the actual task
- Transitions between homework subjects are painful
What to Do About It: Use a timer and the Pomodoro technique adapted for kids: 15 minutes of focused work, then a 5-minute movement break. Help them start by doing the first problem together or asking, “What’s the smallest piece you can do right now?” Sometimes writing down just one word or solving one problem breaks the initiation barrier. Keep a homework “menu” where they choose the order of subjects. Giving control helps with motivation. And normalize breaks as part of the process, not a failure.
Sign #4: Meltdowns Over Minor Changes or Transitions
You casually mention that Grandma’s coming for dinner instead of tomorrow. Your child erupts. The simple act of stopping screen time to go upstairs for bath time triggers a full emotional spiral. Small changes feel catastrophic.
What’s Really Happening: Cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation are executive functions. When these are underdeveloped, unexpected changes feel threatening because your child’s brain has already committed to Plan A. Shifting gears requires mental energy they don’t have in reserve, and the emotions flood in before logic can catch up.
What You’ll Notice:
- Disproportionate reactions to small changes
- Difficulty recovering from disappointment
- Rigid thinking (“We ALWAYS do it this way!”)
- Transitions between activities cause distress
What to Do About It: Give advance warnings whenever possible. Use visual timers so they can see time passing rather than being surprised by “time’s up.” Create transition rituals like a specific song that plays during cleanup, a five-minute warning, a consistent routine. Teach them to name emotions in the moment: “I can see you’re frustrated that plans changed. That’s hard.” Validate before problem-solving. And have a calm-down toolkit ready. Deep breathing, a fidget toy, a cozy corner, so they have tools when emotions spike. As they get older, encourage them to develop their own strategies to deal with overwhelm.
Sign #5: They Can’t Estimate How Long Things Take
Your child insists they have “tons of time” to finish their project that’s due tomorrow. Or they think getting ready for school takes five minutes when it actually takes thirty. Time is abstract and slippery for them.
What’s Really Happening: Time management and planning are executive functions. Kids with these challenges often lack an internal clock. They genuinely can’t feel time passing or accurately predict how long tasks will take, which makes planning ahead nearly impossible.
What You’ll Notice:
- Chronic lateness despite reminders
- Waiting until the last minute, then panicking
- Surprise when time runs out
- “I’ll do it later” becomes “I forgot” becomes crisis mode
What to Do About It: Make time visible. Use analog clocks. My school has gone to all digital clocks, and I’ve noticed students have a harder time estimating time. Measure tasks together and actually time how long it takes to get dressed, brush teeth, or do ten math problems. Write it down. When there’s a big project, work backward together on a calendar, breaking it into mini-deadlines. Help them experience realistic time frames repeatedly until their brain starts to internalize it. Time awareness is built through consistent, concrete practice.
Sign #6: They Know What to Do But Can’t Make Themselves Do It
Your child can tell you exactly what they’re supposed to do. They know their homework is important. They want to clean their room. But when it’s time to actually do it, they… don’t. And they feel terrible about it.
What’s Really Happening: Impulse control and self-monitoring are executive functions. It’s not a motivation problem. It’s a regulation problem. The gap between knowing and doing is where executive function happens, and when that system is weak, follow-through collapses even with the best intentions.
What You’ll Notice:
- They can explain the plan perfectly but don’t execute
- Impulsive decisions despite knowing better
- They feel frustrated with themselves
- Promises are sincere but rarely kept
What to Do About It: Reduce the gap between intention and action. Instead of “later,” make it “now” with you nearby. Use body doubling. Just your presence while they work can help them stay on track. Create “if-then” plans: “If I finish math homework, then I get 15 minutes of free time.” Make the first step absurdly small. Not “do your homework,” but “open your folder.” Starting is the hardest part. And most importantly, separate their worth from their follow-through. They’re not lazy or bad. Their brain needs more support right now.
Sign #7: They Struggle to See Consequences Until It’s Too Late
They leave their coat at school for the third time this month. They spend all their allowance on day one, then are broke for weeks. They don’t study because they don’t connect today’s choices with Friday’s test. Cause and effect feel disconnected.
What’s Really Happening: Planning ahead and considering consequences requires executive function. Young brains naturally struggle with this, but kids with executive functioning challenges may take even more time. Future-oriented thinking hasn’t developed yet, so everything exists in the now.
What You’ll Notice:
- Repeated mistakes without learning
- Can’t connect actions to outcomes
- “I didn’t think that would happen” is a constant refrain
- Short-term thinking dominates all decisions
What to Do About It: Connect dots explicitly and repeatedly. After something happens, talk through the chain: “You forgot your lunchbox, so you were hungry, so you had a hard time focusing in class.” Make consequences immediate and concrete when possible. Natural consequences teach better than lectures. Use “next time” planning: “Next time you’re heading out, what could help you remember your coat?” Role-play scenarios and talk through what could happen. Their brain will eventually make these connections automatically, but right now, you’re the external processor helping them see the links.
When Struggling Is More Than Just “Being a Kid”
Every child forgets things sometimes, melts down occasionally, and loses track of time. Executive functioning skills develop slowly, and there’s a wide range of normal.
But if you’re seeing several of these signs regularly, if they’re interfering with your child’s daily life at home or school, or if they seem significantly behind peers their age, it’s worth paying attention.
Executive functioning challenges can exist on their own, or they can be part of ADHD, anxiety, autism, or learning differences. You don’t need a diagnosis to start helping your child, but if struggles are persistent and intense, talking with your pediatrician or a child psychologist can provide clarity and additional support.
Executive functioning skills can be taught, practiced, and strengthened. Your child isn’t stuck. They’re still developing. With the right support, strategies, and patience, they can build these skills over time.
Start small. Pick one sign that’s causing the most stress in your house right now and try one strategy consistently for two weeks. Notice what shifts. Build from there.
Your child’s executive functioning challenges don’t define their potential—they’re just showing you where they need more scaffolding right now. And you’re already doing the most important thing by recognizing what’s really going on and looking for ways to help.
This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.