They call it “Mom Brain”. You know that moment when you walk into a room and completely forget why you’re there? Or when you’re mid-sentence and the words just… vanish? How about when your child asks you a question while you’re cooking dinner, checking homework, and mentally reviewing tomorrow’s carpool schedule, and you realize you haven’t heard a single word they said?
Welcome to working memory overload.
We joke about “mom brain” like it’s some cute quirk of motherhood, something is really happening. Your executive function skills are maxed out. And unlike your phone that warns you when storage is full, your brain just starts dropping things.
What Working Memory Actually Does
Working memory is like your brain’s RAM – it holds and manipulates information in real time. It’s what lets you:
- Remember what you were doing while someone interrupts you
- Keep track of multiple steps in a process (like making lunches while signing permission slips)
- Hold information long enough to use it (like remembering why you opened that cabinet)
Research shows working memory can only handle about 3-7 pieces of information at once. But on any given morning, you’re tracking:
- Three different drop-off times
- Who needs lunch money
- The permission slip that’s due today
- The fact that you’re out of milk
- Your own work deadline
- Someone’s show-and-tell item
- The argument brewing in the backseat
That’s not “mom brain.” That’s cognitive overload.
The Executive Function Skills You’re Using All Day
As a mom, you’re constantly drawing on executive function skills. These are the same ones we assess and support in kids with ADHD and learning differences. The difference? Nobody’s giving you accommodations or strategies. You’re just expected to manage.
Here are the EF skills you use most:
Working Memory: Holding multiple pieces of information while you use them (see above)
Task Initiation: Getting started on things, especially unpleasant tasks (folding that laundry pile, making those phone calls)
Planning/Prioritization: Figuring out what needs to happen when, and in what order
Flexibility: Pivoting when your child melts down, someone gets sick, or plans change
Emotional Regulation: Staying calm when everything goes sideways
Organization: Keeping track of stuff, schedules, and systems
Sound familiar? These are the exact skills we teach kids. They’re also the skills that get depleted when you’re running on too little sleep, too much stress, and too many demands.
Why Mom Brain Gets Worse
Executive function skills don’t work well under certain conditions:
- Sleep deprivation – Reduces working memory capacity significantly
- Stress – Shifts your brain into survival mode, prioritizing immediate threats over thoughtful planning
- Decision fatigue – Every choice you make depletes mental resources
- Multitasking – Actually reduces efficiency and increases errors (even though we’re praised for it)
- Lack of recovery time – Your brain needs downtime to consolidate and reset
Motherhood, especially early motherhood, is basically a perfect storm of all these conditions.
Strategies That Actually Help
For Working Memory Overload:
Externalize everything. Your brain doesn’t have unlimited storage, so stop using it that way. Use:
- Shared digital calendars
- Voice memos for quick thoughts
- A physical inbox for papers that need action
- Weekly meal planning (decide once instead of daily)
Reduce your cognitive load. Create routines and systems so you’re not making the same decisions repeatedly. Lay out clothes the night before. Have designated spots for keys, backpacks, and shoes.
Single-task when it matters. You can’t actually do two cognitively demanding things at once. When you need to focus, really focus – even if just for 10 minutes.
For Task Initiation:
Use the 2-minute rule. If something takes less than 2 minutes, do it immediately. For bigger tasks, commit to just starting for 5 minutes.
Pair hard tasks with something pleasant. Listen to your favorite podcast while folding laundry. Call that friend while tackling the toy explosion.
Break it down. “Clean the playroom” is overwhelming. “Put all the blocks in the bin” is doable.
For Planning and Prioritization:
Do a weekly brain dump. Spend 15 minutes on Sunday listing everything that needs to happen that week. Then calendar it or delegate it.
Use the Eisenhower Matrix. What’s urgent AND important? Do that. Everything else can wait, be delegated, or honestly might not need to happen at all.
Protect your morning. The first hours of the day are when executive function is strongest. Handle what requires the most cognitive load then.
For Flexibility:
Build in buffer time. Things will go wrong. If you schedule with no margin, you’ll always be in crisis mode.
Have a “plan B” mindset. When plans change, ask “What can I do instead?” rather than spiraling.
Practice self-compassion. Rigidity often comes from anxiety. When you can be gentle with yourself, pivoting gets easier.
For Emotional Regulation:
Name it to tame it. When you feel overwhelmed, literally say (out loud or in your head): “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I have too many competing demands right now.” This activates the thinking part of your brain.
Take the pause. Even 30 seconds of deep breathing resets your nervous system. It’s not indulgent – it’s necessary.
Get the support you need. If you’re constantly dysregulated, that’s a sign your load is unsustainable. Something needs to change – and asking for help isn’t weakness.
The Bottom Line
“Mom brain” isn’t a character flaw or an inevitable part of motherhood. It’s what happens when you’re asked to run high-level cognitive processes under conditions that would challenge anyone.
The same executive function skills you’re learning about for your kids? You need them too. And unlike our kids, we don’t always get the understanding, accommodations, or support to develop them.
So give yourself some grace. Externalize what you can. Build in systems. Ask for help. And remember: you’re not failing at motherhood. You’re just human, trying to do an impossible amount with limited cognitive resources.
And that’s worth acknowledging.
What EF skill do you struggle with most as a mom? For me, it was (and still is!) Task Initiation and Emotional Regulation. I’d love to hear what resonates. Drop a comment below.